Loneliness in Recovery

In recovery from addiction it’s recommended to utilize the support of those who understand addiction and recovery. There are times, though, when a person is alone with their thoughts. This is not necessarily bad — it all depends on how the person uses this alone time. If the person begins going back in the past, feeling guilt, shame, anger, etc, it’s probably not productive time spent. Our minds have been trained over a long period of time to tell ourselves things that need to be reevaluated in recovery. I’m not good enough — I can’t stop the alcohol, drugs for very long – I can’t achieve the goals I’ve set for myself – everyone is judging me – I’m too weak – I’ve ruined my life – I’m too old to change, too far gone — on and on this internal negativity goes. It’s defeatism.

Recovering addicts fall victim to this defeatist self talk all the time. They go back to the drugs because they don’t see a way forward clean and straight. The thoughts are just too painful. This can change. Recovering addicts can learn how to talk realistically to themselves. Change is possible. Finding a center is important in recovery, a place inside yourself that’s solid. Others can you help you do this, through plain old talking it out, practicing techniques like mindfulness or meditation, whatever it takes to get to that place where there’s peace of mind. Then you can have a real conversation with yourself — yes, I have relapsed in the past but this time I can stay in recovery if I follow and manage a recovery plan – yes, I’ve done bad things, but I can make amends – yes. I’ve let anger control me, but now I can take different actions – I can find the source of my shame and I can do something about it.

The more a person changes the internal conversation to recovery talk, the more the person advances and grows. Anyone can change if they put their mind to it, open themselves up to help from others and gain a willingness that’s persistent. There will be ups and downs, but as long as the person doesn’t give up and doesn’t start drinking or using again, they have a chance for a new day – a new day in recovery – a new day of change.